Sarah Palin is the New Paris Hilton.

I wish I was joking. The very last thing our country needs right now is another famous for being famous cult of personality that’s as vapid and clueless as Sarah Hilt..er, Palin, but the fact of the matter is the woman simply. Will not. Go. Away.

When I woke up on Wednesday, November 5th, I rather foolishly comforted myself with the naive thought that it was all over and Caribou Barbie would sink back into the obscurity from whence she came. Okay, there’s no need to look at me like that, I see I was being stupid. Clearly, national attention is like heroin to the woman; why else would she have started her own PAC less than a week after Obama took office? Or announce that she’ll be having dinner with the President? Or, FSM save us all, write a book? The last one is so deliciously ironic the jokes just write themselves. “I thought she only read magazines and newspapers.” “A book? Will it have a soft cover and cardboard pages?” My biggest concern is that no matter who they get to ghost it, it’s going to be so obviously doctored, there’s simply no WAY anyone will fall for the fiction that it’s in her own words. How can it be? I mean, you could probably get a FEW pages out of soundbites, but eventually you have to develop plot and characters, no? And the syllables! The poor tortured syllables! It ain’t right to do that to unsuspecting words.

I was SO angry when John McCain compared Obama to Paris Hilton. I thought unleashing that human STD back on an unsuspecting populace was one of the worst things he could do during his campaign. Ohhh, but that was before Sarah Palin. Infecting us with Paris as opposed to infecting us with Sarah? Sadly, there is no Vancomycin for television.